What do woman want in bed?
It’s now the men’s turn to find out what women want in bed after we found out what men want in bed. We ask some top tantrikas, love journalists and some ‘regular’ women what they like from a man when it comes to getting down and dirty. Here is what they said:
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What exactly does that mean, he does acrobatics? He can keep going for hours without a break for a beer? He wears silk PJs, plays Barry White music and burns incense? The question has no answer and many answers, is valid and non valid at the same time. Is personal and universal, so here comes my take.
The Top 12
Presence: The most important factor of all is to be present in your body and with me, not replaying a porn shot or a fantasy.
Heart: You don’t have to be in love with me, but I need you to be able to connect to me and open your heart.
Passion: The ability to feel and express your desire and pleasure, and not to shrink back from mine.
Self-responsibility: Do not expect me to make things happen for you, take charge of your own sexual energy. I will not hold you responsible for my experience.
Communication & Boundaries: Speak your truth and listen to my truth. Communicate your boundaries and respect mine.
Playfulness: Do not take yourself too seriously.
Surrender & Awareness: The ability to let go, understanding the vulnerability of penetration… It is important that he has himself been penetrated or is willing to be…. before I allow him to penetrate me.
Affection & intimacy: Ability to give and receive… Feel me, explore me and let me do the same for you.
Patience: The ability to enjoy the journey, not rushing to the finish line acting like the journey is just getting in the way of the main event.
Science: Some basic (at least) understanding of the female sexual anatomy and function.
Ego Management: Not crippled by self image, vanity and performance concerns.
Hygiene: Cleanliness is next to godliness.
The list above is basic and is not exhaustive but notice nowhere does it say he must have a large penis or bank balance and the car he drives has no effect either. As someone who practices and teaches tantra, breathwork and conscious sexuality, there are many advanced techniques I could add which are expansive, exciting, able to bring intense pleasure and altered states of consciousness however these are not listed as I do not believe they are required for a man to be ‘good’ in bed.
A moment of mind-blowing sex… Intense pleasure and deep emotion can be experienced from very short simple connections if the Top 12 is present. I once experienced a epic style movie run of pleasure, desire, emotions bringing me close to tears, energy racing through my whole body to my fingertips and toes, breath panting and heartbeat racing and pre orgasmic waves rippling through my sex… what were we doing I hear you ask was it tantric sex? BDSM? Role play? Pose no 5 of the Kama Sutra? None of the above. Five minutes of still penetration with no movement at all, only presence, surrender and two open hearts.
So, for those who want to know more about the extended version… Here is a little taster, but please be aware the Top 12 should come first and foremost.
Ejaculatory choice: Men who have control over their ejaculation can choose to end love-making sessions when both parties are ready to complete.
Penile sensitivity: Men who have overly practiced fast and hard masturbation can lose a great deal of sensitivity in the sensations they can feel in their lingham (tantra for penis). Greater sensitivity can allow men to feel the more subtle erotic energies without the need for constant hard and fast thrusting, this can expand the woman’s and man pleasure.
G spot: Men who know how to locate and give simulation to a woman’s g spot can add a different dimension of pleasure to a woman’s lovemaking experience. It can also be very horny for men to experience contributing to and witnessing this type of pleasure.
Female ejaculation: Men who are comfortable with female ejaculation can allow a woman to feel comfortable ejaculating in his presence. This can also give added pleasure to the man.
Breath: Men who understanding the importance of good breathing techniques can expand the intensity of sexual energy experienced by both parties, it can increase their presence and can extend orgasm.
Foreplay: Men who understand the primary and secondary sexual centres of a woman can heighten pre-penetration arousal.
Masculine & feminine: Men who understand that both sexes hold within us masculine and feminine energies and who can allow themselves to embody both of those polarities are more able to receive and be in surrender if they can embody their inner feminine aspect. Equally, if they are able to see and allow the inner masculine aspect of the woman to be expressed, they allow her to be in her wholeness.